“Embracing Ethical Cheating” is a book written by Yogesh Qumaar, exploring the evolving nature of relationships, attraction, and commitment. The book challenges conventional monogamous structures and proposes a framework where honesty, ethical considerations, and mutual consent play a central role in redefining fidelity. Beyond relationship ethics, the book presents a social reformative approach, advocating for the eradication of crimes linked to hidden relationships and the abolition of the traditional divorce system to ensure that children do not lose either parent due to legal separations.
Yogesh Qumaar, a filmmaker and author, conceived the book to question the rigid boundaries of traditional relationships and address the social consequences of secrecy, betrayal, and legal battles over love and marriage. He argues that monogamy, as enforced by societal norms, often leads to deception, emotional distress, and family breakdowns rather than fostering genuine commitment. The book aims to promote transparency in relationships to eliminate the stigma around non-monogamy, reduce crimes related to secret affairs, such as blackmail, violence, and emotional abuse, and advocate for the abolition of divorce as a means to separate partners while ensuring children retain the presence of both parents. Yogee draws from history, psychology, and mythology to demonstrate how alternative relationship structures have always existed, but modern society has enforced rigid norms that often result in emotional suffering and legal conflicts.
One of the key themes explored in the book is the psychological basis of desire. It delves into why humans are naturally drawn to multiple partners, citing psychological studies on evolutionary biology and human attraction. The book also addresses how monogamous expectations often conflict with natural instincts, leading to secrecy, infidelity, and emotional pain. Additionally, it highlights how many relationship-related crimes stem from the pressure to hide affairs or suppress desires, including domestic violence due to suspicion of infidelity, murders and honor killings caused by societal rejection of non-monogamous relationships, and blackmail and financial extortion linked to extramarital affairs. By normalizing consensual, ethical non-monogamy, Qumaar suggests that many of these crimes could be prevented, as transparency removes the motive for secrecy and fear of exposure.
Through historical and mythological references, the book presents various examples from Indian mythology and history that reflect non-monogamous relationships, such as Lord Krishna and the Gopis, King Dasharatha in the Ramayana, and Draupadi in the Mahabharata. It challenges the notion that polyamory and multiple romantic partners are “un-Indian,” emphasizing that Indian traditions have long acknowledged multiple romantic and sexual relationships. The book argues that modern relationship norms are restrictive impositions, contrasting with history where love, desire, and family structures were fluid rather than rigid.
A radical yet humanitarian proposal in the book is the abolition of the divorce system—not to force unhappy couples to stay together, but to ensure that children are not deprived of either parent due to legal separations. Yogee argues that divorce often leads to children losing close contact with one parent, affecting their emotional well-being, and that legal battles over custody are traumatic and create lifelong resentment. Instead of divorce, the book proposes a new family model where partners may separate romantically but remain equal co-parents, preventing emotional damage to children. By removing the need for legal separations, the book envisions a future where family units adapt rather than break apart, allowing children to grow in a stable, loving environment with both parents present.
Yogesh Qumaar is a promising new filmmaker and storyteller, making his debut with the Telugu film “Love You Too.” Known for his thought-provoking narratives, Yogee explores the emotional intricacies of relationships in ways that resonate with contemporary audiences. His first feature film delves into the complexities of polyamory, portraying a man navigating love for both his wife and his lover while challenging societal norms without passing judgment. Before stepping into feature films, Yogee gained recognition through his short films like “Aa Gang Repu” and its sequel, where he showcased a knack for addressing complex themes with subtlety and depth. His stories often spark reflections on modern relationships, love, and loyalty, making his work both engaging and insightful.
The inspiration to write and compile “Embracing Ethical Cheating” stems from witnessing daily reports of tragic outcomes such as honor killings, blackmail, extortion, and suicides, all rooted in the stigma surrounding non-traditional relationships. These stories are a stark reminder of the consequences of a society that rigidly upholds monogamy as the only acceptable form of love. Yogee believes that by normalizing polyamory, society can become more accepting, allowing individuals to love freely without fear of judgment or retribution. The book is not just a call for acceptance but an effort to bring dignity to those who practice polyamory, offering them a path to live authentically. It challenges societal norms, aims to eradicate crimes associated with hidden relationships, and promotes a world where love in its many forms can be celebrated openly and ethically.
The title “Embracing Ethical Cheating” is intentionally provocative and oxymoronic to challenge the conventional understanding of relationships. The book aims to dismantle the perception of cheating as betrayal and introduce the concept of ethical polyamory—where multiple relationships are pursued openly, honestly, and with the consent of all parties involved. By pairing the words “ethical” and “cheating,” the title confronts the reader with a paradox that compels them to rethink the boundaries of love, loyalty, and commitment. Ultimately, the book seeks to reframe the narrative around non-monogamous relationships, showing that they need not be seen as dishonest or destructive but rather as an opportunity to extend and enrich connections between people in a way that honors everyone’s needs and desires.
